Sometimes we get so wrapped up in building the “perfect life”, that we forget to take care of our relationships. This is a slippery slope, and once the damage is done, it can be hard to repair. I think many of us make the mistake of being so blindsided with our own dreams and desires, which by the way often are forced on us by the society, that we forget to ask if our partners have the same dreams. I think having similar ambitions and desires in life can be a key element in a successful relationship.
Too often I see one partner pushing for things in life they want, and the other just following. Ten years down the line, the partner who just followed their partners dreams find them self in a middle of a life the don’t feel in any way connected to. They might even lose interest working towards those dreams, as they are not really their dreams. This again can create more friction, where the partner whose dreams they are going after feels like the other half is not doing their part, all awhile forgetting to ask what it is they really want.
And here’s the thing, that art of asking is so important. We all say yes to things we really don’t want to every day. So sometimes you do need to read between the lines, try to truly understand what your partner wants. We get in to habits of behaving certain way in a relationship. And in time that behaviour might drift away from who we really are, but our partner asking us “why are you being like that” might just push us back to the same behavioural pattern, as we don’t want to hurt or upset them. But in reality, sometimes by pretending to be something we are not, we just end up hurting them more in the long run.
The “dating game” can be bit messed up, everybody tries too hard. We try to please another person, rather than being honestly who we are, and let them decide if that is what they want. And I think that goes for any relationship, not just romantic ones. I rather see you in all of your fuckedupness than some fake put on persona that is going to burst down the line. The sooner we get past the pretending, the sooner we can start building real relationships.
This weeks song “Flame” talks about someone who has ignored their partners needs over their own for years and now are left wondering what went wrong. Keep that “Flame” burning, once it is gone people tend to just move on…
If this weeks song hits home, please share it with the world. As you know I don’t have any record company financing my music or rambles, so you guys are my promoters 🙂
The author J.P. Kallio is a singer songwriter
To get EIGHT of his songs for free go HERE